Author Archives: Philip Garside

“The dead cannot be allowed to simply cease to exist.”

“Most New Zealanders seem to hold some form of belief in post-mortem existence. Faced with death an existential niggle emerges, prompting a desire for a belief, however rudimentary. The dead cannot be allowed to simply cease to exist. As quoted earlier, Hedtke expressed this very thought: ‘When we are faced with the death of a person that we love, it is a horribly difficult thought for most people that they will never again have this person in their lives.’ What I outline now are patterns of belief that I have observed presented as I have co-created celebrant-led funerals as well as working with families preparing for Church funerals. They also appear in Death and In Memoriam notices as well as tribute pages on the Internet. They do not represent the full spectrum, but indicate how some respond to the question ‘what next?’”

From Chapter 4 — What Comes Next? of Earthed in Hope: Dying, Death and Funerals – A Pakeha Anglican Perspective. By Alister G. Hendery.

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“Tributes can all too easily drift into romanticised eulogising…”

“The obvious location for the tribute(s) is as part of the Remembrance (ANZPB, 829) so that they conclude with the act of remembrance. Placed here, the delivery of a tribute(s) could also be accompanied by the placing of symbols on or near the coffin. It also provides a level of participation early on. The tribute(s) should not take place after the Address, as it would ‘obscure the gospel hope of the resurrection as the wave of sentiment or boisterous good humour engulfs the congregation-become-audience.’ The first part of the service focuses on the mourners’ experience of grief and the recollection of the life of the dead person. The latter part moves the focus to the future and to the hope of resurrection. Placed here it allows the minister to later draw the tributes together into the wider context of what God has done for humanity in Christ.

There are a number of hazards to be avoided in giving tributes and it is appropriate for ministers to offer guidance and help in their preparation. Tributes can all too easily drift into romanticised eulogising, leaving me wondering how soon this person will be canonised. Some speakers will be tedious and long winded, others frivolous or pompous, and yet others say more about themselves than the dead person. Many are the risks, but this should not give us cause to bar tributes being given…”

From Chapter 9 — The Funeral Service, of Earthed in Hope: Dying, Death and Funerals – A Pakeha Anglican Perspective. By Alister G. Hendery.

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‘When people talk about me losing my son, it makes me sound so careless.’

“When speaking with children about a death, the news needs to be broken gently, and then a brief but accurate description of the death needs to be given. Unfortunately, adults, encouraged by the media, regularly use euphemisms to deny the reality of death. How often do we hear people saying someone has ‘passed away’ or that they have ‘lost’ their mum? We understand such language as code for death, though at times it has an almost comic side to it. A parishioner whose son had died remarked: ‘When people talk about me losing my son, it makes me sound so careless.’ For children such language results in confusion. What does ‘passed away’ or ‘passed over’ mean? Passed to where?

She has ‘fallen asleep’ or ‘she is resting.’ I recall working with a family whose baby girl had died. In one session it emerged that her brother was afraid to go to bed. It transpired that the baby’s death had been explained to him as her ‘going to sleep and not waking up.’ Not surprisingly, the boy was scared to go to sleep.

He ‘has gone on a long journey’, but people come back from long journeys. We take holidays that involve long journeys. This simply adds to a child’s confusion.

As with adults, but even more so with children, it is crucial that euphemisms be avoided. Children ask what they need to ask and become confused or anxious when we lay on them adult-formed inhibitions. The minister and family need to be very careful how they use religious language and imagery to speak about death to children. In an attempt to reassure the child we may say that, ‘Grandma has gone to heaven to be with God’, but the child may then resent a God that takes to heaven a person they love and need. Adults as well as children are easily alienated from God by such language, and we must consider the consequences of its use. If it is said, ‘Jesus loved her’ or, ‘she was so good God wanted her’, then why have any dealings with God who removes from my life someone I love? God might take me away as well. A boy began to behave badly after his uncle died. Eventually, he explained that he was being naughty so that God would not take him away like God had taken his uncle. He had overhead someone say that his uncle was such a good person that God had taken him, so the boy was working hard to be bad to ensure the same thing did not happen to him.”

From Chapter 11 — Children, of Earthed in Hope: Dying, Death and Funerals – A Pakeha Anglican Perspective. By Alister G. Hendery.

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“…a Christian funeral celebrates first and foremost that this person is a beloved child of God…”

“Ministers learn not to be surprised or shocked by anything heard as well as learning to make careful assessments about what is said and what is left unsaid. During the conversation with the family the minister may be told some ‘dark part’ of the dead person’s life, or experiences that resulted in hurt for others. Occasionally, the minister will deduce the dead person was thoroughly unpleasant or was in some way difficult or cantankerous. It may be appropriate to allude to this without describing matters in detail. There is no virtue in ‘washing dirty linen in public’, but nor is it helpful to pretend the person was someone they were not. Rather than idealising their life it is possible to express what people will miss and not miss. Occasionally, it has been sufficient for me to say, ‘In all our lives there are memories and aspects of our experience with another that need to be laid to rest – things that need to be forgiven.’ As I make that comment mourners give a nod of recognition as they recognise the meaning of what I have said. Sometimes the following may be used, either as a prayer or adapted as part of the minister’s comments:

God of mercy,
as we mourn the death of N and thank you for her / his life,
we also remember times when it was hard for us to understand,
to forgive, and to be forgiven.

Heal our memories of hurt and failure,
and bring us to forgiveness and life. (ANZPB, 862)

“We should not underestimate the importance of acknowledging and dealing with difficulties of this kind. We are loved and accepted by God for who we are, not for what we would like to be, or for what others wanted us to be. In contrast to a life-centred funeral that focuses on a person’s achievements and virtues as the source of celebration, a Christian funeral celebrates first and foremost that this person is a beloved child of God who is loved unconditionally.”

From Chapter 9 — The Funeral Service, of Earthed in Hope: Dying, Death and Funerals – A Pakeha Anglican Perspective. By Alister G. Hendery.

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Ten Plays gets great review in Touchstone Nov. 2014

Review by John Meredith in Touchstone – November 2014

“The pattern of Sunday worship is generally fairly predictable, but congregations appreciate something different at family services and especially at Advent and Christmas.

This is scarcely surprising, since the birth of Jesus and the events leading to it shattered the expectations even of those who had long been watching and waiting for the appearance of the Messiah. We have become accustomed to nativity plays featuring grumpy innkeepers and shepherd boys on hillsides, but these 10 plays take us to quite a different realm.

After making suggestions about an Advent wreath and candles, Rosalie offers five meditations that may be used during the four Sundays in Advent, two meditations being read on one of these Sundays. The meditations titled ‘Christmas women’, are the voices of Elizabeth (Mary’s cousin), Anne (Mary’s mother), a woman traveller (one of many women on her way to Bethlehem for the census), the inn-keeper’s wife, and Anna (the prophetess).

These meditations are complemented with an Advent prayer for two voices. There are no bland words here, for the challenge is to think about what the coming of Jesus means for us in our world and what we need to do about it.

These Advent meditations are followed by a play titled ‘No Room,’ designed to promote the work of Christian World Service at a time when the annual CWS Christmas Appeal will be presented to many congregations. The play features two modern day families who learn that making room for Jesus includes making room for asylum seekers and that giving to CWS can help make lives better for people living in dreadful conditions.

There is also a play using 13 characters from the Christmas story with an activity of creating stick-puppets.

For Easter, the other major festival of the Christian Year, there is a play reading based on five women named in the Easter story.

Those looking for something different for Bible Sunday, Waitangi Day, Anzac Day or Wesley Day will also find it here.

One of the appealing features of this collection is the prominence of women throughout. The drama ‘Mahlah and Sisters’ draws attention to five little-known young women in the biblical narrative. Their stand for justice translates effectively to women’s rights and equal opportunities in today’s society.

In another play, voices of women from biblical times and early New Zealand history who used their initiative to build peace and harmony are heard in monologue.

As is stated on the cover, these are short easy dramas. Few props, staging or costumes are required.

Most of the plays work best with a combination of adults and children and lend themselves to reading without the need to learn scripts. All are readily adaptable for different physical settings and availability of characters.

They are highly commended as a resource for any church or group seeking imaginative ways of presenting gospel ideas and aspects of faith in action. Ten Plays is also available as an ebook.”

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“It is no wonder then that funerals are the most widely practiced human rituals.”

“Death is our inevitable fate. However hard we work to postpone it or try to deny it, we cannot escape it. Our mortality rate has consistently stood at precisely 100%. It is no wonder then that funerals are the most widely practiced human rituals. ‘Of all human events, death concerns us the most deeply’ (ANZPB, 811). The inevitability of death might suggest an equal inevitability about our response to death, but nothing could be further from the truth. How we approach death, how we mark it, what we believe about it, what we do with our dead, changes from generation to generation and from culture to culture. Within New Zealand, our response to death has changed radically in just the past few decades, and the changes keep coming, but amid them all, we keep having funerals.

Since its beginnings the Church has been deeply involved in people’s dying and response to death. It has made death its business. Indeed, its very life hinges on the death and burial of one man, who then rose from the dead. Funerals are an integral element of Christian ministry just as they are to human life. Yet, as with the rest of society, the Church has experienced such changes in this sphere that they might almost be described as seismic.”

From Chapter 1 — Introduction: A Changing Landscape, of Earthed in Hope: Dying, Death and Funerals – A Pakeha Anglican Perspective. By Alister G. Hendery.

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Manurewa launch of Weaving, Networking & Taking Flight

Weaving, Networking & Taking Flight has three Forewords and merits two book launches!

On Saturday afternoon 25 Oct. 2014 Vai Ngahe, invited guests and church members, launched his book at Manurewa Methodist Church, Cnr Alfriston Road & Great South Road, Manurewa.

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Above: Vai autographs a copy with local MP Louisa Wall and other key supporters looking on.

Below: This was an all-age celebration.

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 Join Rev Ngahe at the second Book Launch

3pm Sat. 8 Nov. 2014
Rosebank Peninsula Church
Cnr of Rosebank Road & Orchard Street, Avondale.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“There are times when we must be prepared to speak the truth about death.”

“In the presence of the dying the minister is called to give both comfort and honesty, both consolation and challenge. There are times when we must be prepared to speak the truth about death. It may fall to us to be the one who says: ‘It’s now time to die.’ At other times we must confront platitudes or denials, or a spirituality that gives false hope. We share the conviction that life comes out of death, but we must not become, as Richard Giles warns, ‘apostles of false hope, trafficking the empty promise that, “everything’s going to be all right”. Even if we mean it in an ontological sense, it will be understood in a “here-and now” sense. We must be careful always to speak straight, for false assurance is the cruellest of gifts.’ We trust God’s mercy, but we cannot engineer God’s intervention. We affirm that we shall never be lost to God and that God holds us with a love that is stronger than death. In all this we are called ‘to mediate the strong and fearless love of a God who is willing to release us into the world and watch us wobble down the world. A God who, as David Jenkins puts it, “suffers rather than bashes his way through.”

From Chapter 8 — A Time to Die, of Earthed in Hope: Dying, Death and Funerals – A Pakeha Anglican Perspective. By Alister G. Hendery.

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“We can’t stop the history of this place – we’re trying to write another story.”

 

‘Mr Ngahe said providing a place for children to safely and efficiently do their homework was something that was desperately needed in the community.

“I love to see kids achieve in themselves and their education – I love to see them coming in to do their homework and achieving their goals,” he said.

“It’s not only preaching the good word, it’s about actions – how can you put that into action? It’s important to preach in a practical way too.”

The church – which is part of the Avondale Union Parish – is continuing to fundraise to help pay for the renovations.

Mr Ngahe said the church was over 100 years old and was a building that had served the Avondale community long and proud.

“Finding ways to continue to use it for the benefit of locals was the priority rather than destroying a building that had long been a part of the community,” he said.

“It’s something for the community, by the community – something that will benefit and help make our community better.”

“We can’t stop the history of this place – we’re trying to write another story.” ‘

From an article ‘New role as community hub saves church from closure,’ by Vaimoana Tapaleao quoted in Weaving, Networking & Taking Flight: Engaged ministry in Avondale Union and Manurewa Methodist parishes 2006–2014. by Rev ‘Alifeleti Vaitu’ulala Ngahe

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 Join Rev Ngahe at this Book Launch

3pm Sat. 8 Nov. 2014
Rosebank Peninsula Church
Cnr of Rosebank Road & Orchard Street, Avondale.

“We need to move from an individualistic view – it belongs to me – to a more communal view – it belongs to us.”

“A key to achieving this goal was to become a community centre, by establishing working relationships with the community through pastoral care, outreach programmes and educational opportunities.

 For me, transformation is about breaking through the barriers in our own understanding. We need to move from an individualistic view – it belongs to me – to a more communal view – it belongs to us. This changed view of life that always speaks about we, is one in which stuff belongs to everyone regardless of their culture or faith perspective or economic status. This seems to be a huge challenge for many people in the church. The hard part of transformation is shifting this way of seeing things. We are no longer focused within the church, on the inside/us only. Our focus shifts its position to facing outside, to the community. The wider community also become us. The church has to step up and walk an extra distance in understanding and acceptance of diversity.”

From Chapter 5 — Theological Themes of Weaving, Networking & Taking Flight: Engaged ministry in Avondale Union and Manurewa Methodist parishes 2006–2014. by Rev ‘Alifeleti Vaitu’ulala Ngahe

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Join Rev Ngahe at this Book Launch

3pm Sat. 8 Nov. 2014
Rosebank Peninsula Church
Cnr of Rosebank Road & Orchard Street, Avondale.